While I wrapped up my schooling, this site took an unofficial hiatus. A year ago, I left my job at Blue Sky and returned to SVA in NYC, where I’d started on my MFA in computer animation in 2012. Overwhelmed, I switched to attending part time in my second year, before dropping out completely shortly after. That I’d gotten a job offer from Blue Sky was amazing timing for me, as it gave me an out that frankly, didn’t feel like a failure. SVA’s MFA Computer Arts program is an intensive one, teaching what normally takes four years jammed into two (or four, if you attend part time, but it’s structured and advertised as a 2-year intensive). Having only the most basic understanding of Maya prior to the program, I knew I was in trouble by week two of the program. Though when I dropped out, I only had two classes left, plus the final project, which seemed like an impossible thing for me. Even now, literally just finishing an animated short a couple weeks ago, making an animated short film still feels impossible. Even being handed my degree did not make it feel real.Continue reading
So, this site has been very quiet. There’s always stuff cooking in the back kitchen, but only about 2% of it ever seems to make it to the front where you’re all sitting.
That number was about to drop from a dismal 2% down to 0% due to some life changes–I’m going back to school. Having gone through this challenge once before, I know that my time will be extremely limited. Even with lighter coursework this time around, and the lessons I’ve learned from both the first time I attempted this and the last four years of experience at my previous job, I know that this will be a very intense time.
To be completely frank with you, the last time this happened, I had a nervous breakdown in a sound-booth at 4am one day. I phoned my friends who were living in Asia (and therefore wide awake), hysterical. My friend in a lab next door, Allie, came around to check on me. The issue I’d been struggling to fix for the last two hours she was able to solve in 30 minutes. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She was so good at that type of thing–still is (we were lucky to have been co-workers these last 4 years!)–but I never seemed to improve, it never seemed to sink in. I think the intense two-year time line of the program was a large factor. I just needed more time for these concepts to sink in, plain and simple. I started attending part-time, and that helped immensely. Before I knew it though, I’d been offered a job I’d have been stupid to not take, and, with an admitted sigh of relief, I ended up having to drop the degree to work full-time.
But it never settled well with me that I didn’t finish. It wasn’t even about that program in particular, so much as getting that master’s degree. I like school. I have mixed feelings about it, the price mostly, but I’ve always been a fan of academia (or what it was intended for, at least). It’s not a perfect thing, but nothing is.
After leaving that program, I thought I’d never get a shot at it again. I’d made my peace, and even started considering OTHER programs, because lord knows I needed to drop another small fortune on school. But I’ve been given a rare opportunity to return to that program.
This fall, I’ll be returning to SVA, and I’ll be picking up the very first project I had pitched and worked on five years ago. I had some things done, but am mostly starting from scratch again with that same story inside me, getting a second wind.
And I had the crazy idea of documenting it all. It’s not going to be pretty. Ohhhh no, no, no. I expect tears, anxiety attacks, and teeny tiny victories here and there. I am hoping for a different experience this time, but I know that certain things are to be expected, for better or worse. Some people will and have already argued that I deserve and should build in some sort of work-life balance, and that just isn’t a thing when you’re making your thesis. It’s honestly a toxic culture, but one that yields results. I’m not saying I condone that environment, but it slowly boils down to a test of endurance. And I learned so much from that first time, I’m much more mentally prepared. I might not remember the particular skills I’ll need, but I have the knowledge and articulation now.
This first video pretty much just summarizes that all, providing the setup. Forty weeks! Can she do it? WHO KNOWS!
I am really sorry if you were interested in this site for all of the reasons I previously set this site up for. Like I said, I think I’d rather shift gears these next ten months rather than go another year without anything on here. And then I’ll shift back. Then I’ll get to do what I should have been doing all along–making videos that celebrate the history and industry of animation.
Please watch if you’d like. If you want to follow along, please feel free to subscribe to the YouTube channel, or sign up for emails whenever I post a new blog entry.